Postnatal Depletion and Mom Burnout: What Nobody Told You and What to Do About It

Postnatal depletion and mom burnout are two things most mothers are living with without even knowing there is a name for what they are feeling.

If you have been running on empty since you had your baby and you just assumed this was what motherhood was supposed to feel like, this post is going to change something for you.

There is a name for what you are experiencing. It is called postnatal depletion. And it is far more common and far more serious than anyone is talking about.

This week on the Livin’Sky Podcast I sat down with Dr. Hillary Claire, clinical psychologist, holistic parenting mentor, and author, to talk about why so many mothers are depleted, burnt out, and struggling, and what we can actually do about it. And we connected the dots all the way to picky eating, because what is happening in your body as a mother is directly affecting what is happening at your dinner table.

What Is Postnatal Depletion and Mom Burnout?

Postnatal depletion and mom burnout is not just feeling tired in those first few weeks after having a baby. It is a syndrome, an accumulation of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that can set in at any point in the postpartum period and follow a mother for years or even decades if the root causes are never addressed.

The symptoms look like exhaustion so deep and heavy that it feels different from ordinary tiredness. Anxiety that feels constant and low grade. A tired but wired feeling where you cannot sleep even when you finally have the chance. Your mood swings unpredictably. Patience runs out faster than it ever did before. Brain fog makes simple decisions feel impossible.

Sound familiar?

Dr. Hillary was clear. This is not just what motherhood is. This is a sign that your body needs support. And the fact that almost every mother around you seems to be experiencing the same thing does not make it normal. It makes it systemic.

Why So Many Mothers End Up Here

Dr. Hillary breaks the causes of postnatal depletion into three categories and understanding all three is the key to actually addressing it.

The physiological causes are where most people start. Many women go into pregnancy already nutritionally depleted, at levels that are not optimal, even if they are not technically deficient. Pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding then take an enormous amount from the body. Zinc, iron, magnesium, omega 3s, B vitamins, vitamin D. If you are not replenishing these deliberately, you are going to feel it.

Sleep deprivation compounds everything. Furthermore gut health is a piece that most mothers never consider. If you have a history of antibiotic use, pesticide exposure, or gut dysbiosis, you may be eating beautifully and taking the right supplements but not actually absorbing what you are taking in. Your gut has to be able to receive nutrition for it to actually work.

The psychological causes are just as important. Most of us have internalized beliefs about motherhood that are actively harming us. The belief that a good mom always puts herself last. Another common one is the idea that being burnt out is just the way it is. And then there is the expectation that you can and should be able to do it all. Dr. Hillary also pointed to perfectionism as a particular trap for high achieving women who have always been able to push through. In motherhood, the job is never done. You cannot get an A plus. And pushing through without rest is a direct path to burnout.

Finally the practical causes are the ones we feel every day. No village. No family nearby. A partner who went back to work. Financial pressure. Going back to work ourselves too soon. We were never biologically designed to do this alone. And when we try, our nervous systems pay the price.

What to Do Right Now: Free Nervous System Resets

Dr. Hillary shared a list of strategies you can use in thirty seconds or less when you are about to lose it. You do not need a babysitter, a spa day, or an hour to yourself. You just need to know what to reach for if you’re suffering from postnatal depletion mom burnout.

Big exhales work better than slow breathing when you are in a heightened state. Forceful breaths out help move stress hormones through the body when you are already in fight or flight. Large movement like shaking your hands, shaking your head, jumping on the spot, or dancing helps discharge stress in the body.

Cold water on your face creates an almost immediate shift in your nervous system state. Surprising, but real.

Smelling something strong like peppermint, pine needles, or a citrus fruit shifts sensory attention and can interrupt a stress response.

Placing your hand on your heart. This sounds almost too simple, but touch activates safety signals in the nervous system. Try it now as you read this.

Simple Strategies That Tone the Vagus Nerve

Humming and singing. Dr. Hillary realized she had been humming constantly since having her children without knowing why. It turns out humming and singing tone the vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for bringing the body into a calm parasympathetic state. Her son eventually figured this out on his own too and started asking her to put on music when he felt grumpy.

Gargling. Yes, really. The vagus nerve attaches at the base of the tongue. Gargling with water in the morning and evening is one of the simplest ways to tone it.

Getting outside. Every single time. Even for two minutes. Even just opening the window so real light and air can come in. This is Dr. Hillary’s number one parenting tip. And mine too.

The Vagus Nerve and Why It Matters for Picky Eating

Dr. Hillary and I spent time talking about the vagus nerve because it connects everything we were discussing, postnatal depletion and mom burnout, nervous system regulation, gut health, and picky eating.

The vagus nerve is the largest of the cranial nerves and it runs from the base of the skull all the way down through the heart and into the gut. It is the superhighway between the gut and the brain. It regulates digestion, appetite, hunger cues, satiety signals, food preferences, and the gut microbiome itself.

When the vagus nerve is toned and working well, the body is in rest and digest mode. Appetite is present. Digestion is working. The child feels safe enough to be curious about food.

However when it is dysregulated, which happens when we are stressed, sleep deprived, nutritionally depleted, or chronically indoors, everything shuts down. Appetite disappears. Digestion becomes uncomfortable. Food feels threatening.

This is not just true for your child. It is true for you. And it is one of the reasons that addressing your own nervous system regulation is not just self-care. It is a picky eating strategy.

What You Bring to the Table Matters

This was the part of the conversation that I want every parent of a picky eater to hear.

Dr. Hillary said it simply. If you sit down to dinner already stressed, already bracing for the battle, already convinced your child will not eat anything, your child’s nervous system reads that before a single bite is offered. Their appetite shuts down. Their stress response goes up. And you create exactly what you were afraid of.

This is not about being a perfectly calm zen mother at every mealtime. That is not realistic. But it is about becoming aware of the energy you are bringing before you sit down. Can you take one breath before you sit down? Try deciding in advance that the goal tonight is connection, not consumption. What would it feel like to approach the meal with just a little more openness about what might happen?

Dr. Hillary suggested a mindset shift that I loved. Treat your child like a dinner party guest. You would not interrogate a guest about why they only took one bite of something. Instead you would ask about their day, laugh with them, and make them feel completely welcome. Your child deserves that same energy.

She also invited parents to look at their own relationship with food. Our patterns around eating, our anxiety, our preferences, our history, are being modeled to our children even when we think we are hiding them. Children are the best detectives. They see everything. And healing your own relationship with food may be one of the most transformational things you can do for your picky eater.

Connection Before Everything

When I asked Dr. Hillary what she wished more parents understood about the whole child, her answer was immediate.

Connection.

Regardless of what your child is struggling with, whether it is picky eating, tantrums, sleep, or school challenges, it always starts with the relationship. Safety. Trust. Knowing that you are there for them and that what you offer can be trusted.

This is what I teach in the BLOOM Framework. And hearing it confirmed by a clinical psychologist with years of experience working with families made my heart full.

You do not have to be a perfect mother. You just have to be present and connected. And everything else becomes possible from there.

About Dr. Hillary Claire

Dr. Hillary Claire is a clinical psychologist, holistic parenting mentor, author, and host of the Wild and Well podcast. She specializes in nutritional and environmental medicine and supports mothers to move out of exhaustion and reclaim a thriving, healthy identity in motherhood. Find her at drhillaryclair.com and on Instagram at DrHillaryClaire.

About Lena Livinsky

Lena Livinsky is a speech language pathologist and holistic pediatric feeding specialist and the founder of Livin’Sky Kids. She helps overwhelmed moms of picky eaters understand what is actually driving their child’s food refusal using the BLOOM Framework.

I will be speaking in person at the Documenting Hope Health and Healing Expo on November 21 and 22 in Orlando, Florida, and I would love to meet you there. I am on the picky eating panel and there is a virtual option if you cannot make it in person. Grab your ticket at the link below.

Grab your ticket here

Book a free Clarity Call with Lena

Explore More Episodes on the Livin’Sky Podcast

If this episode resonated, you will love these:

Why Your Child’s Gut Can’t Heal: The Drainage Funnel, Parasites, and Picky Eating with Dr. Joshua Sharp

Complex Picky Eating Root Causes: The Opioid Excess Theory with Shandy Watters

Are Toxic Superfoods Harming Your Child? with Sally K. Norton

Ancestral Wisdom for Picky Eaters with Holistic Hilda