Making a Connection with the Child Within

Making a Connection with the Child Within

We all grow up in all different types of home environments. Some of us are lucky and get to grow up with both of our supportive parents by our sides, teaching us how to navigate this often troubling world. Some of us grow up with both parents, but getting support from just one of them, and being rejected or shamed by the other one. Moreover, some of us grow up without any parents to support us, perhaps cared for by a family member, forcing us to become adults a lot sooner than we are ready for. And some of us grow up with absolutely no one to support us, forcing us to go into the fight or flight response from a very young age. 

No matter what your situation growing up was, chances are you have some inner child wounds that have gone unaddressed and are causing you pain today. When we are hurt, unattended to as children, we have this feeling of constant endangerment which can cause us stress and psychological issues well into our adulthood. 

In this blog post, I’d like to explore some of the signs that our inner child is hurting as well as some inner child work that can help us heal those childhood wounds. Just because we have ignored our children within for so long, it doesn’t mean they are not there. There are just waiting for you to acknowledge them, and help us heal. 

Here are 12 signs that you have a wounded inner child: 

  • You get angry very quickly, especially with your loved ones
  • You have this deep feeling that something is wrong with you
  • You have trouble trusting people 
  • You feel guilty taking care of yourself or standing up for yourself
  • You are your worst critic 
  • You feel more responsible for others than yourself 
  • You have a very difficult time saying “no” and are a people pleaser
  • You have trouble starting or finishing projects, no matter how big or small
  • You are ashamed of yourself 
  • You have trouble letting go of things and get attached to objects 
  • You are a perfectionist 
  • You withdraw from your family 

There are more signs that could be added to the list. If you would like to add any please share them in the comments. 

Chances are, you answered yes to multiple or all of the signs listed above. If that’s the case, you might want to consider reconnecting with your wounded inner child. 

I personally started my inner child work with hypnosis. There are hypnotherapists specializing in inner child guidance, who would be an excellent starting point for many of us. The drawback is that it can get pricey. If you would rather save some money, don’t worry there are things you can do to help you start healing in the comfort of your own home. 

Here are 4 techniques to help us heal our inner child: 

VISUALIZATION

Using your imagination is a very powerful healing tool. You can imagine walking outside, perhaps to the garden or to the playground, and meeting the younger you playing in the sandbox. Go over to her/him and start a conversation. Or perhaps you are imagining yourself as an infant, you can imagine taking yourself in your arms. No matter what age, make them feel loved, heard, cared for and understood by you. Make them feel the way you wish your parents had made you feel back when you were that age. There is a reason why you thought of yourself at that point in your life. Chances are, that part of you needs a lot of love. 

OLD PICTURES

Take some time to examine some old pictures of you, from the time you were a baby and on to your teenage years. Try to recall how did you feel back then, what was life like and if you felt supported and loved by your family at that time. Having a journal with you could be a good idea to record any feelings or memories that come up. The more information you gather from that particular time in your life, the better chances of you knowing which part of your younger self you need to heal and reconnect with. 

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS

Chances are you have some good friends whom you can talk to about these feelings and who could help you address these emotions. You can share them with friends, a therapist, a colleague, or a support group in order to experience a different level of support, and give you another perspective. Just make sure you don’t share with family members who have not healed their own inner child wounds yet. This can be counterproductive and can cause you pain, grief, or anger and can get in the way of your own healing. 

HAVE A CONVERSATION

Talk to your inner child. Let them know that you love them just the way they are, that they are enough. Tell them that you hear them and that it will all be ok, you will work through this pain together. Let them know that you are sorry for pushing them so hard and being an overachiever. Tell them that you forgive them for acting out and tell them thank you for always protecting you even if that meant holding onto your painful memories. You should know that you did your best as an innocent child, dealing with this often demanding and cruel world, acknowledge them and send them love. 

Now that you have consciously reconnected with your inner child, you can start to work through some of the pain you may not have even realized was weighing you down since your childhood. This can help you start to make more room for self-love and gratitude which all of us deserve. 

 

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  1. Denise says:

    Hi Paulina,
    Thanks again for an insightful read. Always a pleasure to read your posts! 🙂
    I was wondering what the best emotional state to try these out would be? Do you think its best to try this when we are angry or upset at something? Or might it be better once we have calmed down, and have a lighter, happier energy to ourselves? When should we try healing ourselves by going back to that moment to speak to our inner child? Either way, I feel as though revisiting that time in our lives will be an emotional one in itself.
    Thank you for the suggestions.

    • Lena says:

      Hi Denise,

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think that connecting with your inner child could happen at any time and in any emotional state. I believe that your subconscious mind and your soul will give you insights and clues, that may come up as memories or perhaps a gut feeling that your current state of mind or emotions might be stemming from something that happened in your childhood. Once you feel a moment like that, try and connect with that wounded inner child. You may also feel a hunch about something that happened when you were younger that you may feel the need to revisit. However you decide to do it, inner child work is crucial for many of us to heal and can bring you unexpected relief and peace of mind.

      Love,

      Lena

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